In this current blog series called Working Assumptions, I believe the most fuzzy and unhelpful working assumptions we hold are about the one-on-one (1:1) meetings between managers and direct reports. Many of us struggle with 1:1s and can’t connect how those meetings connect us to our goals. Some of us just show up and vent. Others avoid them. At Hedge-Ops, one of our main goals is to accelerate your career journey through clarity in your professional relationships. Let’s talk about how to get the most out of our 1:1s.

We may not really know if our bosses are our fans and advocates or not. This can be especially problematic if we’re friendly and get along well with them. It can confuse things even more! And then it may be difficult to know if our direct reports are doing good work and meeting business objectives or just talking a good talk. All of the uncertainty can lead to the 1:1 turning into something unproductive for both parties.Let’s take a closer look at some of these assumptions we often make and what to do about them.

When you’re the direct report

When I first started my career in tech, I was a career changer and had just come out of a long stint at home with kids. I had huge amounts of imposter syndrome, but I knew I couldn’t let it consume me. I knew that building my confidence was absolutely key to my success. Because of that, I took fastidious notes on my progress every dang week. I was determined to show the company who took a chance on me that their gamble was paying off.

I knew that seeing my progress documented would only net positive results. I was very, very right about that. My confidence grew along with my skills, career trajectory, and salary. I had the fastest and highest percentage of growth in my career during those first five years in tech, and I attribute it greatly to my ability to communicate my growth and contributions.

About four years in, I switched companies, and I started out at the next company with the same enthusiasm for showing my growth and contributions. Somewhere along the way, though, I became a little more casual about it. I started assuming that I could just talk off the cuff about my progress in my 1:1s instead of writing it out. The result was that I never really quantified anything in a way that my manager could then take to his leaders and say, “Wow, look what Annie has been doing.” We just weren’t able to translate what I was talking about in 1:1s into common goals that we were both able to accomplish. I was being just a little too casual for that.

I can directly correlate my growth opportunities and salary over the years to how well I managed my 1:1s with receipts for my contributions. That first year at the new company, I saw growth in the form of a promotion, salary increase, and getting to work on good projects. After I got lax in the communication of my growth and contributions. Lots of complaining crept into my 1:1s, and soon my opportunities dried up. Please note, nothing changed in my output, only in the communication of my output.

What happened was that I was very friendly with my manager, using our 1:1s to wax philosophical on all things DevOps and leadership. Was it fun? Sure it was. I got along really well with my boss. Was it helpful to my career? Not really. Outside of the 1:1 I felt frustrated and like my opportunities were running out at that place. Yes, I think having casual and unstructured chats with your boss is very important but not in the absence of communicating your growth and contributions.

Direct report working assumptions

You certainly have your own story that may end with slightly different unhealthy assumptions. They may be something like:

• 1:1s are only for negative feedback, so if we’re not having a 1:1, then all is good.
• 1:1s are the manager’s responsibility to drive the agenda.
• 1:1s should be limited to talking about the current project.
• 1:1s are only for evaluation purposes, so I can’t talk about anything other than my growth and contributions.
• Once you discuss things at a 1:1, everything is resolved and my boss-person will handle things and I don’t have to set action items or follow up about it.

What direct reports can do instead

And sometimes we don’t mean to form these assumptions; they just happen over time because we get busy and lax with our discipline of having really neat and organized 1:1s. When it all comes down to it, though, having effective 1:1s as the direct report is simple:

• Clearly state your goals for growth and contributions.
• Note the progress you’ve made on those goals, no matter how small.
• Show the aggregated progress quarter after quarter.
• Have it all documented and easily accessible.

Even though it’s simple, it sounds like a lot of work, I know. But this is the main way your boss knows what you’re doing. We can sometimes assume that our performance is being witnessed, but it’s usually not. But if you document all of this for our 1:1s, then this is a good thing because you get to be in charge of the wording. You get to market yourself and be your own biggest advocate. You get to create a record of how you’re growing, contributing to projects, helping other people, and meeting your goals, goals of which obviously align with company goals because you are able to wordsmith them in a way that does. No one else will do this for you.

If you’re having a hard time with this because it feels like you’re bragging about yourself, you can take the ego out of it and just make sure you document things like:

• Cross-team collaboration (especially when you’ve been praised and have screenshots to prove it)
• Your learning and how it will benefit the company
• If you’re mentoring someone, either formally or informally

And now, if you’ve been doing this, you have a wealth of information from which to base your performance review on! You can even summarize each quarter to stay on top of performance review preparation.

When you’re the manager

Conversely, if you’re the manager, you may not know how to get the most out of our time with your direct reports. I’ve been on both sides of the meeting, and when I’ve taken fastidious notes, I’ve never been disappointed or felt like it was a waste of my time. When I actively took notes on how my team was meeting their goals for growth and performance, it revealed a lot about how they worked. In addition to tracking the progress on their goals and performance, I was looking for things like if they drove the conversation or I did, if they were creating goals because they wanted to grow and contribute or because they were trying to appease me. I followed the same general template with each person, but I looked for whether or not they took charge of the conversation. It looked different for every level, of course, but I wanted them to take the reins.

Manager Working Assumptions

We can certainly hold all of the unhealthy working assumptions that the direct reports hold with the addition of a few more, such as:

• The direct report should drive the meeting (I think this depends on the level of the direct report).
• 1:1s are primarily for getting my direct reports unblocked and making progress.
• 1:1s are so that my direct reports can vent and get things off their chest.
• I will leave it up to my direct report to track their progress and goals. It’s their job.

What managers can do instead

If a manager isn’t as engaged as the direct report in 1:1s, then the direct report will get little out of it. You’re there in service to them, as a leader, to grow the people on your teams, not simply to make sure your projects are on track. If 1:1s are boring, then maybe you’re doing them too often. If they’re too action packed, perhaps you lack a process to communicate more frequently. This relationship should not, of course, devolve into a therapy session, but we are here to solve problems.

Additionally, tracking performance, even and especially for top performers is vital! People avoid this and it always bites them, whether they are looking for performance justification for a promotion or need justification for a performance improvement plan. Write it down and make it clear. If you can’t write it down in a way that both people can see it, you’re not communicating clearly enough.

And help them with their goals. Ensure that their mid range and long term goals are talked about. Are their values included in your conversations? What is important to them, and how can you help them align that with company values and goals?

Feelings matter

How you feel about your 1:1 is important. We’re taught to be so objective in business to combat biases, and I agree with this. But when we discount our feelings about certain interactions, I think we leave out an important part of our humanity that may have a role in our interactions. I’m not talking about letting unhealthy biases come into play, but rather I’m saying that you should listen to certain intuitions that you may be having, such as:

He listens to all my ideas but never gives me opportunities to implement them. I wonder why. I’m going to see if this becomes a pattern so that I can take action if it does.

She says that she wants to see me grow in this area, but I’m worried that she’s not going to give me the time or space for that.
> They’re always praising me for my team work, but I still am not getting considered for team lead. That feels crummy. What can I do about it?

Positive feeling are important, too:

She was so positive about my project and shared my success with the VP. I think she’s a real ally.

She’s always asking about X. I think that’s not that important, but I guess it is to her, so I’ll keep an eye on it.
> When we’re summarizing our 1:1 notes, we can aggregate our feelings over time, too, and it will show us valuable insights.

Conclusion

As with anything, intentionality is key with 1:1s. They are a tool, just like the other topics we’ve discussed in this series, and when they’re used intentionally, you will get the most out of them, no matter which side of the meeting you’re on. I would love to hear any questions you have about this!

And if you want a software that will help you to have more effective 1:1s, then be sure to click the banner below to join our Beta program waitlist! The software that we’re creating will help with all of this that we’ve discussed plus some!